An overdose of regret ~by Omar Vargas

Wake up

with my heart racing

can’t breathe

and I start shaking

feels like I sniffed five lines of yay

and hitting a pack of stogies

straight to my brain

looked at the time

it’s 2:50 in the morning

my brother is still up playing video games

can’t sleep

regret is eating me up

it’s tearing me apart from the inside and out

feel like throwing up without making a sound

still can’t accept what happened

I start to think, “what if I should’ve done this or that”

laying on my futon bed

playing scenarios in my head

of what she did

how she positioned herself

and how they treated her

in their bed

all because of what I did

I want to scream

but that’ll wake everybody up

I want to cry

but being raised by my family’s “macho” state of mind

hides these tears of mine

I'm just pulling strings

but these strings are attached to me

it’s four in the morning

now I think about if

she'll think about me

or miss me if

I get shot or until I'm fucking deceased.

Can't believe someone like her

is making me lose my mind

I’m very dramatic she says

but doesn’t know

I’m dead serious most of the time

fuck

the suns about to come up

I guess I let my mind wander

for the night

this time

for the last time

I'll let it slide.

Copyright 2021. Omar Vargas. All rights reserved.