Wake up
with my heart racing
can’t breathe
and I start shaking
feels like I sniffed five lines of yay
and hitting a pack of stogies
straight to my brain
looked at the time
it’s 2:50 in the morning
my brother is still up playing video games
can’t sleep
regret is eating me up
it’s tearing me apart from the inside and out
feel like throwing up without making a sound
still can’t accept what happened
I start to think, “what if I should’ve done this or that”
laying on my futon bed
playing scenarios in my head
of what she did
how she positioned herself
and how they treated her
in their bed
all because of what I did
I want to scream
but that’ll wake everybody up
I want to cry
but being raised by my family’s “macho” state of mind
hides these tears of mine
I'm just pulling strings
but these strings are attached to me
it’s four in the morning
now I think about if
she'll think about me
or miss me if
I get shot or until I'm fucking deceased.
Can't believe someone like her
is making me lose my mind
I’m very dramatic she says
but doesn’t know
I’m dead serious most of the time
fuck
the suns about to come up
I guess I let my mind wander
for the night
this time
for the last time
I'll let it slide.
Copyright 2021. Omar Vargas. All rights reserved.